tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post7376022671295312739..comments2024-03-16T16:44:18.220-07:00Comments on Bad Cripple: Legit Skiing and Parentingwilliam Peacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00223601480542461802noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post-69776214326660078102010-01-01T08:43:32.090-08:002010-01-01T08:43:32.090-08:00Oh, this is very good to know about adaptive skiin...Oh, this is very good to know about adaptive skiing! It's almost free to get to my sister's house near the mountains.<br /><br />What I am learning recently is that by criticizing me people are also unintentionally sabotaging their relationship with my daughter and starting to with my son because they're not going to take someone else's side--and they do hear what other people say to me. Kids love their parents almost unconditionally.<br /><br />If O'Neill *chose* not to do chores/physical tasks because of wealth (or even on her current income if she didn't have disability expenses) and hired an in-house nanny and maid and outsourced for laundry and cooking--as many families do--who would criticize her? Very few. It's all about her disability.FridaWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03321658097813377806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post-50448353760511802422010-01-01T05:35:50.440-08:002010-01-01T05:35:50.440-08:00Frida, The hardest part of skiing for many is simp...Frida, The hardest part of skiing for many is simply getting to the mountain. Adaptive programs do their best, charge on a sliding fee, often waive all costs but fail to appreciate the struggle many face just to get to the slopes. I hope you are able to ski some time.<br />Kids whose parents have a disability are an interesting group of people. Based on my experience, these kids are amazingly adaptable and can assess access in seconds. They are also adept at spotting creeps who are prone to say stupid, things. Gender and parenting play an important role too. Mothers are judged far more harshly than fathers. Women are expected, demanded, really to provide the primary physical and emotional support for their kids. When they do not do this they are judged harshly. So what O'Niell cannot do some physical chores. This should be the least of her worries. The case males me crazy and I wish her and all other parents with a disability well.<br />Stephanie, Vermont is a unique place. It is one of the few areas of the country I have a chance to actually fit in as a human being. The odds of me having a negative social encounter are significantly less. It is not a perfect place but it is a place I can see calling home. NY is certainly no that place for me.william Peacehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223601480542461802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post-88312228219521288872009-12-31T13:12:14.696-08:002009-12-31T13:12:14.696-08:00I love Vermont. I attended a low-residency colleg...I love Vermont. I attended a low-residency college there and always loved it, especially in the fall. Wouldn't mind living in a small Vermont village myself one day...Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12540927559726674184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post-33808277606731563652009-12-31T09:46:44.149-08:002009-12-31T09:46:44.149-08:00I'm glad you had a great time skiing; I still ...I'm glad you had a great time skiing; I still want to try it when our economic situation is stable. I was glad to see your sons' thoughts--this makes me look forward to the teenage years. Like your son, my children have an extraordinary sense of empathy and insider understanding that will help them in any job that they do and will allow them to advocate for others--not just with disability, but in any situation where a nontraditional approach is needed. My daughter can eyeball a place and tell me if I can get in and exactly where I'll have difficulty--better than my husband can.<br /><br />I hope Kaney keeps her child, that the courts are atypically friendly to her, that more judges and attorneys are raised by children of people with disabilities.<br /><br />I have seen my own parenting questioned by my husband's family--the directly stated criticism that I'm "giving into it" (the arthritis/spondylitis)--ha! I'd rather be hiking mountains. That just stings--I'm someone who likes to get out and do more and that limitation has been horrible. And that statement followed by the "your children need you" blow. They have me--I'm here with them right now. I've heard someone else say that parenting is summed up by the physical tasks you do for your child; well, that misses a lot. <br />Most of it, actually. And I know a lot of people who do too much for their kids, so that their kids don't know how to handle things themselves as adults.<br />For me, using a scooter was difficult because of the increased comments about me giving into it--not just the arthritis, but the wheelchair use. While I see it as a positive thing to relieve pain and allow me more freedom, others don't and it's taken me a while to develop a thicker skin since I've always been sensitive to criticism. So to many people it's apparently okay to them if I am at home unable to ever attend the kids' activities (as happened) because that's better than "giving in" to wheelchair use.FridaWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03321658097813377806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post-56147370828069020762009-12-31T06:01:58.421-08:002009-12-31T06:01:58.421-08:00Matthew, I saw your post on O'Neill. It was a ...Matthew, I saw your post on O'Neill. It was a good one. Parents with a disability have very good reason to worry about custody of their children. When my son was little my ability to care for him was often questioned by strangers and a few so called professionals. In fact, I once took him to the ER for stitches and was asked if I had proof I was his biological father and legal guardian. <br />I have not heard of Vic Chestnut. But financial debt, disability and medical expenses all go hand in hand.<br />Becs, Part of skiing is falling. I am very good at falling. I have yet to get hurt though I am a bit sore after the weekend.<br />Your mother is like many that cannot cope with a disability. I have never understood this as I truly see adaptive equipment as exactly that--adaptive. Who cares how one gets around? Walking is great as is a wheelchair or a prosthetic device for an amputee. All have advantages and disadvantages.william Peacehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223601480542461802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post-69137577684029292232009-12-30T16:15:28.178-08:002009-12-30T16:15:28.178-08:00PS - I envy the skiing. I always wanted to try it ...PS - I envy the skiing. I always wanted to try it but don't relish the idea of falling.Becshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03057614535554183360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post-61985225660378852522009-12-30T16:14:20.644-08:002009-12-30T16:14:20.644-08:00My mother tried to hide and reject her disability....My mother tried to hide and reject her disability. She was able to do this for awhile, but her condition suddenly worsened. She used a wheelchair when she went out for any distances. She hated it so much that I could never talk her into getting a good chair that fit her.<br /><br />She was ashamed of her disability and I was not.<br /><br />Stating the obvious. your attitude and actions have shown your son time after time that a disability is a part of life and not the end of it.Becshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03057614535554183360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556371561007953336.post-85207405572625743022009-12-30T15:49:18.935-08:002009-12-30T15:49:18.935-08:00I posted an entry about the Kaney O'Neill case...I <a href="http://www.blogistan.co.uk/blog/mt.php/2009/12/20/kaney_oneill_whos_an_unfit_parent_then" rel="nofollow">posted an entry</a> about the Kaney O'Neill case last week, and it's something I know my friend Kim has strong views on. Sadly, the debate got sidetracked by a completely irrelevant "your blog sucks" remark, and Kim said she couldn't comment on it because it made her too angry. She is looking to get married soon and wants to have kids, knows that she could look after them (as she's kept her various houses and flats clean, cooked for herself and maintained her guide/service dogs) and is worried about ending up in the same situation, not necessarily from a split relationship, but just from people thinking a blind, let alone also quadriplegic, woman couldn't look after a child.<br /><br />Still, she has one thing on her side, namely that she has plenty of help and a stable family, and that if she hadn't dumped the boyfriend, the same people would have been looking after the baby most of the daytime anyway.<br /><br />Did you hear about the suicide of Vic Chesnutt? (Had you even heard of him? A lot of people hadn't.) He was a folk/grunge singer-songwriter from Athens, GA, that I used to listen to in the mid-1990s and was a quad. He'd lived with the paralysis for 25 years or more, but struggled with depression which was made worse by huge debts caused by medical bills and lack of insurance. It's all the more shocking to a lot of people because it was thought that he'd gotten over his recurrent "flirtation" with suicide which pre-dated his paralysis.Matthew Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16675719484819810707noreply@blogger.com