Hostile Social Environments

With election day almost here I have been thinking of hostile social environments. I know when I vote I will most likely have a negative social encounter with either a poll worker or fellow voter. It happens all the time. This made me think of the other places I try to avoid because I know I will have a bad experience. By bad I mean I will be treated with disrespect or encounter a needless architectural or attitudinal barrier. Major professional sporting events are often problematic. Architectural barriers in the form of grossly inadequate handicap seating areas are a major variable as are ignorant drunks that seem magnetically drawn to my wheelchair. Secondary schools in my area, particularly my son's public school, seem hostile to the presence of a parent with a disability. But these place pale in comparison to the following places:

1. All Catholic churches: I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic secondary school. I have the emotional scars that often come with such an upbringing. Yet in spite of it all I still consider myself to be Catholic and when troubled read the Bible. In short, I am a believer. But I cannot believe nor could I ever pray or worship at Church. My problem is that I expect to be treated like everyone else. This does not happen in the Catholic Churches I have visited. Many churches have architectural barriers that are easily overcome and I often notice Churches have ramps. What no Churches have is a welcoming social environment. Each every time I go to Church I have a bad experience. It is the norm for someone to come up to me and state "If you prayed harder you would walk again" or "If you accept Christ as your savior you will rise up and walk". Usually this comment is uttered by an elderly person. This sort of old fashioned ignorance is somewhat forgivable though certainly demeaning. But this is not the lone reason why I dislike going to Church. It is the truly strange reaction I get from religious zealots who seem to think one of two things: 1. I am the anti-Christ. 2. I was struck down by God to punish me for sins I committed in my lifetime. This sort of reaction I cannot live with. Frankly, part of me is worried about my personal safety when I encounter these people. The fact the Church and so called leaders such as priests and nuns are present when these comments are made and do nothing is unforgivable. Their silence in the face of such blasphemy is an afront to my humanity.

2. Health Food Stores: I never ever go into health food stores. Thanks to the internet, I have not been to a health food store in a long time. When shopping in such a place I encounter people who are intensely curious about my disability. They want to know why I use a wheelchair and how long I have used one. I do my best to avoid this line of questioning because I know what is coming next. Comments such as this are the norm: "If you took the following vitamin regime I am sure you could walk again" or "Have you ever tried the following non traditional medical routine". There is the unquestioned belief I have needlessly accepted my fate, paralysis, and that they have the knowledge to cure me. How does one respond to such an ill founded conclusion? If feeling nasty I have told those especially aggressive in their quest to cure me that all my medical problems started from an unusual vitamin regime. I do not recommend this course of action--when I have done this I have worried about getting punched in the nose.

3. Health Clubs/Athletic Gyms: Paralyzed or not, I have always disliked gyms. If I want to physically exert myself I go kayaking, hiking, or skiing. I do not enjoy lifting weights or working out on any machine. I find such activities inherently boring. But what bothers me about gyms is the stares. A gym is a place where one is very body aware, it is the nature of the beast. My body does not fit in. And when confronted with a body such as mine people stare-and they stare a lot. Mirrors abound and as do the stares. What these stares mean I am not so sure. Pity from some, curiosity, revulsion, supercripdom, whatever. It is not a positive experience. Ironically gyms from what I have observed often go out of their way to be physically accessible. I know one local gym that even offers a membership discount to people with a disability. But the barriers present are not architectural but social. Simply put, I do not like being stared at and hence avoid gyms.

4. Hospitals: I hate hospitals but when I walk into one I feel at home, as though an inner calm envelopes me. That antiseptic smell is comforting and akin I suppose to the smell of an apple pie baking in a kitchen. The problem is that people like me with a complex medical past draw the interest of curious doctors. Good doctors are always curious and they love to ask detailed questions about my medical history. The fact they miss is that my medical history and paralysis is more often than not irrelevant. This does not stop them from asking many questions which need not be asked. The real issue though is when I am in a hospital one and all think I am a patient. This leap in logic leads to many to make false assumptions and many hospital workers treat me as though I have no role in society. Thus in the past when I have brought my son to the emergency room staff members are stunned I am a father responsible for the care of my child. I know this because they ask "Are you the biological father?" or "Where is the child's guardian?" This of course ignores the obvious--like my son needs stitches and his finger is covered in a bloody bandage. On the rare occasion I have been a patient, the fact my needs are different are always a problem. The overwhelming concern is will my care be more work for the staff. Once it is clear this is not an issue, the problem becomes hospitals are not prepared to deal with a paralyzed body. For example, upon admission one needs to be weighed. The scale to weigh someone in their wheelchair never ever works. Examination tables are never accessible nor are most procedure rooms. In short, architectural and attitudinal barriers abound leading me to conclude hospitals are dangerous places. You see I am not fully human in the eyes of many staff workers and fear, truly and sincerely fear, my life will somehow be snuffed out because someone decides I have suffered enough.

I am very curious if readers can add to this list. I have not mentioned airline terminals and the experience of getting on and off an airplane. The point here is that mass transportation as anyone that uses a wheelchair knows is often a problem. I am sure I have missed some places that generate negative experiences. So please comment. I want to know where else I should avoid!