Its a Small World

I survived the weekend. I must be doing better because nonstop football games, college and pro, grew increasingly boring. I read more, watched TV less and seem more engaged. No doubt my overall health is getting better by the day. I feel stronger and friends say I look much better. I have not yet jumped back into work but I am getting close. Other signs of progress are that the wound care specialists are excellent. They are familiar with the wounf vacuum and I am relieved they know what they are doing.

The above is very real, finite and measurable progress. This progress is tempered by my new reality--my world is very small. I live in my living room, cannot get out of bed and look out the same windows daily. I have gone from an active lifestyle to one that leaves me virtually inert. I do not mean to whine--I am all too aware I am lucky. I could have ended up in a nursing home or still be stuck in the hospital. I also know I am lucky to live in my home as my living room boasts quite the view. Yet weeks ago my idea of observing wildlife includes paddling on the Hudson River. Now I look out my window at squirrels and chipmunks. This is a big let down. I have no doubt my spirits will rise as I adjust to my new life and temporarily limited environment. For now, I am still in a transitional phase. I am better but now 100% I am happy to be home but sad at the same time. These observations bring back long ago memories of when I was first paralyzed. To be blunt, the adjustment from walking to using a wheelchair was a real mind fuck. The transition however was filled with periodic excitement. For instance, I recall my first wheelchair. What a poerful sense of liberation! To go fro a hospital clunker to what was at the time a real wheelchair left me smiling for days. Thus I am content knowing in a few weeks or months I will have a similar experience when I sit up and leave my home for the first time. So this is what I am trying to keep at the forefront of my mind. I am not always successful but as each day passes the hospitalization drifts into the past and I am another day closer to a return to what passes for normal to me. Amazing that on such a deary day I can be so positive.