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Thursday, December 2, 2010

Set Backs

Excuse my silence. I have been set back by computer woes--my ever so reliable well designed Mac has died. Cause of death, kernal panic, something I never heard of until it beset my machine. I was set to buy a new Mac until my dishwasher, sink, and hot water heater all decided to break at the same time on the same day. I am relegated to using an old unreliable lap top that works when it is in the mood. Hence getting on line has been a trial and my budget devoted to the plumber. Afterall, what is more important running water or a computer?

I was at wound care today and had my first setback. I have a new minor wound on my ass--a pressure point sore no less. Sitting as a result is severely cut back--no more than one hour a day. This is devastating emotionally. Intellectually I know it is not that bad--a small abrasion that will heal in a week or two. My brain knows that but my heart is broken. Worse yet, the under mining on my left side is not filling in or doing so at a glacial pace. The wound is in a bad spot I am told and hard to heal. All of this was complicated by a urinary crisis that caused me to spend a night in a large NYC hospital. Ugh, how those huge institutions bring back bad memories from childhood, none of them good. In short I am filled with bad news and more bad news. Oh, and to add insult to injury I lost power yesterday in the middle of the night, the night after I got home from a sleepless night at the hospital. We had a big wind/rain storm and thousands were without power. Do I rate a high priority with the electric company with my clinitron bed and wound vacuum? In a word, no. Apparently only a respirator is deemed a medical priority. No point in arguing with a giant electric company on this point.

I do have one good thing to write: I had the best Thanksgiving of my life! My friends from the Vermont ski house came to my home and my son was home. What a wonderful day. I am stunned by my son's maturity. In fact, I am teary eyed with pride. I have spawned a responsible adult! Or as adult as a college student can be that has a penchant for sleeping to 2PM! As for Thanksgiving the company was great, all fine people that knew I had been and am going through a rough time. For day I felt normal, alive and social. Frankly,the social isolation is getting to me. Some of this is self imposed--I am depressed with my progress. Some of it is the nature of being stuck at home day in and day out. Being computer-less has not helped. Given this, Thanksgiving with such good friends was truly special. Indeed, I was so happy I hope to repeat the day next year. The post Thanksgiving week has been a trial, the first time my progress has not been linear. I knew this may happen but was not prepared for the devastation it has caused. I am just sad, deeply sad, and worried. In the middle of the night I have dark worries, will I ever return to normal? Is my life forever compromised? I do not think this is the case but I worry. My worries have worries and I need to dig out my old worry doll. This reminds me of my father who was a world class worrier. I guess the apple does not fall far from the tree.

14 comments:

ginger said...

William,
Please keep in mind that many, many people get in down moods around holidays. Did you ever hear "Arrogant Worms song 'Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass'"? It is on youtube.
Cute song. (Your mood will pass)

emma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
emma said...

Kernel panic, sounds pretty odd, hope it's not a permanent state of being for the computer! It's amazing how things always seem to conspire to break down at the same time. Hoping things get back to normal soon.

Was going to say the same as Ginger, holidays can bring out some down feeling, although your Thanksgiving sounds great. Hope you have similar plans for Christmas and New Year.

I enjoy hearing about your son, college years, wow, vaguely remember them (and wouldn't want the back - haven't got the energy and too much turmoil!)

Mary said...

Good morning,
Ah I hear you and I feel for you. It does sometimes feel like setbacks occur in bunches - I am thinking of you is about the most I can say.

I hope the worries ease and that your wound healing progresses at a swifter pace, for your peace of mind.

Hugs,
Mary

ginger said...

Kernel panic is quite common with Mac computers. Kernel panic is also called "bug check" and "blue screen of death". You're lucky you have another computer to use. Think of all the disabled people who cannot even afford one computer.
Good Luck

Terena said...

so sorry about the set backs. too many all at once is bound to make even Pollyanna wince.

ginger said...

William,
If you haven't thought of this, please try it. Should you have a cell phone, it most likely will have the capability of taking photos. When you encounter errors on any computer, take a few photos of the error. This can help you identify the type of error and permit a quicker repair if one is possible.

william Peace said...

Ginger, As always thank you for your astute comment. Yes, I am very lucky to have a computer even if its works poorly. Sadly many people with a disability do not have this luxury. I have had great luck with Apple products and customer service is outstanding. I never heard of the blue screen of death. At least everything is backed up on an external hard drive.
More generally hope my words do not appear to be those of a whiner. I am just frustrated in the extreme and worried about the long term future.

ginger said...

William,
You'll be OK. Give it time. I know one young man of limited means who kept an e machine going for 15 years! We'd joke each time he did another repair. We learned a great deal from each other. (Nice kid)

ginger said...

William,
Wanted to add that an external hard drive is only good if what you have backed up on it can be retrieved if that flops too. Have you ever tried memory sticks?

ginger said...

William,
Please remember that there is nothing wrong with a good cry. Patience is required more by disabled people. Am sure you know that sympathy for the disabled lasts a very, very short time!
You'll be OK.

Leslie said...

That's a lot of stuff breaking at one time - what a bummer! I wonder if your power outage was linked to it? Might be possible that your homeowner's insurance would help. Regardless, sounds like a big financial hit on top of the frustrating set-backs in health. Apple does have a deal going now where they'll take dead equipment (not just their own make btw)and give you credit for what they can reuse at the apple store. That may help you replace your dead machine anyway.

ginger said...

William,
Right now my body has assumed the Leaning Tower of Pisa position. Back to Doctor again for me.
It's a challenge to type like this. Bit of pain involved.
Your computer didn't have issues due to weather. If that had been the case, all of the snow/powerless people would have been affected.
I'm in the process of laying a guilt trip on family (am good at that!) cause I did a restoration on this one recently and need help getting my spare computer in operation.
So your son slept late. Means that he feels the comfort of Dear Old Dad.
Have you given any thought of seeking companionship, especially of females, when your wounds heal and the weather permits? NOT internet people. Don't think you want to end up playing checkers with old men.
Since I'm age 70, I feel like a mother to you. Bet you fall into the IQ range like me where you are compatible with about 3 to 5% of the population. But a dumb blond is better than nothing.
Maybe Santa will help you find one!
You'll be OK.
This Leaning Tower of Pisa can't sleep but need some rest.

The Untoward Lady said...

A kernel panick isn't so bad, all things considered. It's just a fatal failure of the operating system and except in really, really rare circumstances it shouldn't be due to any kind of hardware fault, either. Won't even require surgery to fix!

That, and lots of stuff should still be undamaged like the filesystem (hopefully, probably) so you could boot the computer off of a live CD or live USB stick and retrieve your files followed by a restore to factory settings with the disks that should have come with your machine.

Easy peasy but still a pain in the ass.