Excuse my silence. I have been set back by computer woes--my ever so reliable well designed Mac has died. Cause of death, kernal panic, something I never heard of until it beset my machine. I was set to buy a new Mac until my dishwasher, sink, and hot water heater all decided to break at the same time on the same day. I am relegated to using an old unreliable lap top that works when it is in the mood. Hence getting on line has been a trial and my budget devoted to the plumber. Afterall, what is more important running water or a computer?
I was at wound care today and had my first setback. I have a new minor wound on my ass--a pressure point sore no less. Sitting as a result is severely cut back--no more than one hour a day. This is devastating emotionally. Intellectually I know it is not that bad--a small abrasion that will heal in a week or two. My brain knows that but my heart is broken. Worse yet, the under mining on my left side is not filling in or doing so at a glacial pace. The wound is in a bad spot I am told and hard to heal. All of this was complicated by a urinary crisis that caused me to spend a night in a large NYC hospital. Ugh, how those huge institutions bring back bad memories from childhood, none of them good. In short I am filled with bad news and more bad news. Oh, and to add insult to injury I lost power yesterday in the middle of the night, the night after I got home from a sleepless night at the hospital. We had a big wind/rain storm and thousands were without power. Do I rate a high priority with the electric company with my clinitron bed and wound vacuum? In a word, no. Apparently only a respirator is deemed a medical priority. No point in arguing with a giant electric company on this point.
I do have one good thing to write: I had the best Thanksgiving of my life! My friends from the Vermont ski house came to my home and my son was home. What a wonderful day. I am stunned by my son's maturity. In fact, I am teary eyed with pride. I have spawned a responsible adult! Or as adult as a college student can be that has a penchant for sleeping to 2PM! As for Thanksgiving the company was great, all fine people that knew I had been and am going through a rough time. For day I felt normal, alive and social. Frankly,the social isolation is getting to me. Some of this is self imposed--I am depressed with my progress. Some of it is the nature of being stuck at home day in and day out. Being computer-less has not helped. Given this, Thanksgiving with such good friends was truly special. Indeed, I was so happy I hope to repeat the day next year. The post Thanksgiving week has been a trial, the first time my progress has not been linear. I knew this may happen but was not prepared for the devastation it has caused. I am just sad, deeply sad, and worried. In the middle of the night I have dark worries, will I ever return to normal? Is my life forever compromised? I do not think this is the case but I worry. My worries have worries and I need to dig out my old worry doll. This reminds me of my father who was a world class worrier. I guess the apple does not fall far from the tree.
