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Saturday, September 18, 2010

Beratting a Bad Cripple

Claire asked why do I berate myself. Well, in part I have feared, truly feared, would develop such a wound or wounds. I worked hard to avoid such sores as I know they are deadly. I took precautions to insure they would not occur. These precautions failed. Yes much was working against me, surgery, bed rest for two weeks etc. In short I alone am responsible for my current predicamant and utter dependency. I do not do dependency well nor am I good at asking for help. But I am going to have to improve these skills. I have no choice. I doubt I will sit up before Xmas. Acknowledging this fact is deeply depressing. The fact is I am just starting on my road back to normalcy or what passes for normal when one is paralyzed. Sorry but I guess even I have my demons to fight. And fight I will. I just need time to adjust to my current situation.


Eric Fischer said...

Not having a perfect record of self-care is hardly evidence of negligence. We all have blind spots. Doesn't it pronounce in some scripture, "look and ye shall see whatever the hell it is you want to see"?
You can never cover every possibility. Also, sometimes I am so angry for my body having the nerve to betray me (read: age) that I will ignore things out of spite. Don't be hard on yourself because that is just wasted energy.

Katja said...

I've made a point of not disagreeing with you since, well, the first time I tried to disagree with you.

But this post really bothers me.

Some people die of lung cancer because they smoked two packs a day for two decades. Other people die of lung cancer despite the fact that they never even inhaled a molecule of second hand smoke.

Some people have heart disease because they have a lousy family history, they're 50 pounds overweight, and they eat eggs and bacon for every meal. Other people have heart disease despite the fact that they have a BMI of 15 and go for a long run every other day.

People get pressure sores because or despite their behaviour, or for no reason that anyone can figure out at all. Stop beating yourself up.

FridaWrites said...

I think Katja's right. Despite vigilance, things happen. Any of the complications we watch for can happen/progress no matter what we do, how hard we try.