A Nasty Confrontation

I avoid confrontation. In my experience nothing productive comes out of a heated confrontation. This belief was reinforced Wednesday night. Wednesday is my long day. I meet students in the morning, teach an honors class in the early afternoon and then have a long graduate class in the late afternoon. My graduate class ends at 6:30pm. A long tiring day but on most occasions is exhilarating because I am blessed to have outstanding students. So, last night I was going back to my car more tired than usual given my trek back home from San Diego. I crossed Marshall Street, sort of college student restaurant row, and see a car parked on the side walk making passage pretty much impossible.  Thankfully the driver is present. A young woman is standing by the car. The driver door open and it is  obvious the woman is gathering her things post delivery (the Sliders logo and sign are dead give aways). I wait annoyed and silent. She looks at me and is instantly annoyed by presence. In a tired but firm voice I ask her to please move her car off the side walk so I can get by. My request is met with an annoyed or mildly mad "no". A bit taken aback I state I cannot get the car. She replies "yes you can. Have dog walk in front of you".  I will admit I might have been able to get by the car but the margin of error was razor thin. I had a heavy brief case on my lap and did not want to take even the slightest risk given it was pretty dark. I  reiterated I could really not get by. At this point, I was somewhat exasperated. In the same tone I asked "please move your car." I was doing my best to cut this woman slack. She likely was being paid minimum wage as delivery person for Sliders restaurant  located across the street. My request was met with open hostility. She went from annoyed to angry. She atto =d her ground not moving her car. I was not moving either when she said "Why do you have to be such an asshole?" I never dreamed the situation could escalate so fast. I will readily admit I was obviously extremely annoyed but I am good at retaining my poise. I stated yet again "Please move the car You can move it back when I pass by". She responds in a loud voice "Why do you have to be such a fucking asshole?" I am stunned. I tell this woman "what do you think will happen if I go to your restaurant and tell the manager what you just said to me. Move the car." Thankfully a pedestrian was walking by and had heard our exchange. This man was fully supportive of me. I looked at him and asked him if I was missing something. "No" he replied "hold your ground. She is being a jerk and inappropriate. If you want I will go to the restaurant with you to complain". Now out numbered the woman, after a long pause of silence, huffs gets in the car and begrudgingly moves her car about four inches off the sidewalk. As my newly acquired friend watches I pass the parked car. When I am well clear of the car I hear the woman slam her door and yell at me "Do you really need to be such a fucking asshole" and storms off back to the restaurant.

I am pretty torn up about what took place. I did not incite the incident. I was annoyed and tired. I could have been more polite. And here is where I force myself to stop and say no. This line of reasoning is wildly wrong. I did nothing wrong.  The woman parked her car illegally. She reacted badly. The confrontation was needless. I did not have the heart to complain and believe me I thought about this long and hard before I got in my car. Surely if I met the manager the woman would have been fired. Frankly, she deserved to lose her job. But it is mid terms week. She is working a minimum wage job that pays poorly. Being a female delivery person cannot be easy and I assume she is harassed often. I have lots of excuses for not going to Sliders to complain. I have replayed this confrontation many times in my head. I have concluded that this woman's anger is symbolic of a much larger issue--specifically an unspoken anger and fear of disability. The unarticulated anger was directed at me because I am the physical representation of all things disabled (think blue wheelchair logo sign as my self portrait). Like it or not wheelchair access is not valued and seen as an economic drain by many. Not all but the majority. Fear is involved because one and all know the disabled are a minority group that can be joined via one misstep or car crash. Both anger and fear are destructive and the under current can rear its ugly head at the oddest places and at the oddest times. I was in the wrong spot at the wrong time. I learned a lesson. Too bad the woman in question did not.